When I was a junior in high school, I read Steven Covey’s “7 Habits for Highly Effective People” twice. Then, I re-read it in the summer and again the next year. His book was my introduction to the world of self-help and introspection (and my career, but I didn’t realize it then). There are so many lessons that have stuck with me all these years, several that have changed my life (hello, first things first), and one that has helped me cultivate tools that help me catch my emotional breath.
Covey shared how there is power in being proactive and not reactive.
I call it the pause.
The pause is the micro-second between a trigger and a response. It’s the moment when we can retain our power and our calm by choosing not to react. It’s the proactive form of living. It’s like a buffer between the soul and the world where you get to decide your truth and your next move.
Sometimes, the pause is longer.
Richard Rudd, from Gene Keys (which I highly adore, and perhaps I will write how his writing has changed my life in this decade, similar to Covey nearly three decades earlier), has an app called Triple Flame where you intentionally carve out time to sit in a pause space. I love the three-minute pause; it's just enough time to reset and not enough where I get anxious that I should be doing something else. I’ve set a timer on my phone reminding me to take the longer pause. Sometimes I do and sometimes I wait, but there is the choice to step out of the frenzy into a moment of stillness.
Sometimes, the pause is even longer.
In the mornings, which many of you have been reading about, I’ve practiced yoga instead of scrolling on my phone. Today was my 58th day in a row. There have been mornings where I don’t feel like it, but then, despite, I push forward and into the practice. By the time I’m finished, forty-five minutes later, I feel gratitude for the time spent breathing, stretching, getting stronger, and aligning. It’s taught me the importance of an intentional pause within the context of a day.
And sometimes, the pause is even longer than that.
Last week, my adult daughter and her husband flew to my Nashville home from their Maryland home. I was on a roll with my writing here on Substack and on my Facebook page, and I tried to keep up until I heard, “You need to pause. Be present.” So I did. Normally, I try to balance both and find myself half-invested in everything. But this time, I chose to set down what I could of my busy. I still wrote a couple notes, responded to comments, and did the work that I needed, but the extended time in writing was put on a pause so I could just be with them.
It was a beautiful week.
We played games, binge-watched Agatha All Along on Disney (my daughter had already seen it and was excited to watch me watch it unfold), baked, ate, and laughed, and instead of the pressure of “What’s next?” and being busy I allowed myself to simply be.
It’s not easy for me to be still.
My mind races most of the time, my body loves to be busy, and I have a hard time being still without the guilt of, “Shouldn’t you be working?” I’ve had to work to rightly order this space in my life and to learn that when I don’t pause, I burn out.
Maybe that’s why I have always loved self-help and introspection — it gives my soul a place to realize that I’m not alone. I’m not the only one on the express train of busy, stuck in what feels like an unbreakable cycle of busy.
Here’s the powerful truth → it’s when I allow myself to step off the train for a moment that I regain stamina, perspective, happiness, and peace. Staying perpetually busy and racing through my existence subtly chips away all of that leaving me to wonder why I can’t seem to catch my breath.
The only way is to be willing (and trying) to pause.
In the breath pause, there is the choice to let go or lean in.
In the minutes pause, there is the space within the busy to calm your thoughts.
In the daily pause, there is the intentionality of a purposeful start to the day or a reset in the moment.
In the long days kind of pause, there is the opportunity to be in the moment, present, and aware. To be.
Friends, the holidays can be frenetic, busy, emotionally taxing, wonderful, challenging, intense, lonely, or all of the above, plus hundreds of other different emotions, experiences and expectations. Can I gently encourage you to find space, to find a pause within?
It doesn’t need to be days, or hours, or minutes. It could be the second sitting at a red light where you breathe in peace and breathe out stress. It can be simple.
Even in the simple, it is powerful.
It is you deciding, “I am important. My peace is important. My breath is important. My perspective is important. My time is important.”
Friend, you are important.
Look for the pause.
It’s truly a gift for your soul.
~Rachel
ps…..it’s good to be back writing. That is one of the neat things I learned in the pause of the last week → I like writing. When I allowed myself to step away from it for a second versus it being a duty, my soul was like, “Don’t stop. This is your space.”
I too struggle with the pause. Thanks for the reminder. Glad you had a nice time with your daughter too.